The Hobo Dictionary: A Guide to Transient Identification

from Fortey yesterday

Most people who live in large, urban centers, or anyplace where the population has cracked 100 or so, probably have at least one hobo around town. And while the popular sentiment is that homelessness is a problem and we need to help, there's also the pervasive monkey on the back of every hobo: namely that they're a raving loon who thinks they have a monkey on their back. But this is just a stereotype and the fact is there are many stereotypes that deserve equal consideration. And thanks to the current economy we're all enjoying, the future of hoboing is brighter than ever. Thus, in the tradition of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom, we offer you this guide to identify and catalog hobos.

The Ranter - A popular vagabond due to their "look at me" style, the Ranter is the wastrel you cross the street to avoid and not just because of that stank. Indeed, on a warm summer's day, the Ranter may set himself up outside your favorite mall, one eye looking skyward while the other attempts to peer into your very soul and begin raving about how the government put arsenic in his oatmeal and those geese in the park are nothing but sodomites who talk about him behind his back. The Ranter's effectiveness seems to directly correlate to both how loud he can share a string of epic obscenities and how well dressed the people he wants to listen to him are.